an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
