Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
