I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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