I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
