My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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