she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
