note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
