you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
