It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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