It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
And my parents said I crawled through the house
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
