The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
