He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
