I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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