Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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