You just made me feel so damn special
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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