3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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