Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize