Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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