so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
