I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
My liver just had a heart attack.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
