I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
