Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
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