i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
