Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
