He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
