I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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