speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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