How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
