Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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