I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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