I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
