She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
