worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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