Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
