Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
