I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
