Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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