He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I have feelings that need drinking.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize