so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
