Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
