She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
