Plan B is the new Plan A
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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