so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
