i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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