Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Randomize
