Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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