You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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