I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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