Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
