and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
