i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
