At least make sure they are 18
Why
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
