He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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