I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
