I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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