Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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