I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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