Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
