My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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