You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
