I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
