remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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