SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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