Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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