I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize