Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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